I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
