sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
