i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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