I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It's official drugs can't kill me
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
