I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
