omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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