A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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