He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
