I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize