Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
God, I missed his penis.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
