An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
