His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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