Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
