wanna go halves on a baby?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
