I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
