Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
