Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
