She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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