idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
