He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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