So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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