Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
