Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I didn't shave. On purpose
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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