I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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