I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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