i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
