So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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