just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
