one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
