The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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