I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It's Friday. Sex?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
