ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
