Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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