I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
