I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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