Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
