The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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