my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
