It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
