My hand turned me down
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Be still, my beating vagina.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
