I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Did we literally take a cab across the street
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
