I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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