Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
