I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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