lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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