I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
