The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
