She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
