my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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