ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
how drunk are you?
Several
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
