I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
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As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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