there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
