I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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