I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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