Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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