Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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