I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
