He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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