Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
