I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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