get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
