no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
