I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
