This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
