I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
