I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
