his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
