she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize